I'll try to summarize everything in a few bullet points.

• Moved to New Orleans for college
• Love New Orleans
• Dislike the school
• Came back home for break
• My life is weird now, and I don't know who I am.

You know. Normal stuff.

I realize that sounds like absolute bull cock, but I don't. It makes me uncomfortable, and I'm not too great at it. I'm not sure which one causes the other, but all I know is that it's an action I like to avoid. Today, I lied to 3 people who are very close to me. None of the lies were harmful in any way whatsoever, but they were to protect them.

Okay, we all know that's not true.
It was to protect myself, but I don't feel bad about it because I felt like it was necessary.
I do, however, feel bad for not feeling bad.
Hopefully, that means I'm not a complete sociopath.

I realize this is a weird way to come back, but I'll probably be writing here more often than I have been.
My mind is definitely in a weird place right now, so don't be surprised if things don't make sense for a while. 

someone from school finally found my Tumblr. Maybe they all have and just haven't told me.
It's so pathetic, but I feel like I lost the last place I could be the uncensored version of myself, the self I don't allow anyone else to see because I know they won't like what they see. Whoa, that's even more pathetic than it sounded in my head.
Guess I'll have to go back to keeping an actual journal? What is that--I don't even.

Oh, goodness. That last part was even Tumblr speak.
This is going to be harder than I thought.

It's like forgetting the words to favorite song.
You can't believe it. You were always singing along.
-"Eet" by Regina Spektor

Why, yes. I did quote two completely different songs by two completely different artists.
It is kind of strange, though--how something that used to be such a huge part of your life can fade so easily into mere memory.
I said I'd never completely abandon Xanga, and I didn't...for a while, anyway.
I can't really tell you what happened because I don't know.
The excess of school work my teachers decide to assign does not result in copious amounts of leisure time, so I have to spend my Internet time wisely.
There are sites I check daily, weekly,monthly, etc. Some sites jump from category to category while others stay in the same category (e.g. Facebook has become part of the "hourly" section. I'm not proud.) For some reason, Xanga jumped from daily to weekly to never. I don't really know why.

I can't seem to maintain a legitimate blog.
As much as I would love to ponder my inability to stick with one blog, there are Spanish research papers that need writing (much harder to BS, by the way) and Lord of the Flies to be read.

I hope you all are doing well! :)

Oh, I didn't imagine; I knew.
I was going to be popular.
I was going to have the guy that every girl wanted.
Plus, I was going to be valedictorian, prom queen, and the lead in the spring musical.

Hahahahahaha. All of that changed in 8th grade.
I wish I could tell you what caused such a shift, but that kind of stuff just wasn't important to me anymore.
It would be a lie to say that I haven't wanted to live the "easy life" of the popular kids between 8th grade and now, but every time I end up hanging out with the "cool kids," I remember why I don't: they're boring. Really, really boring.
Now that I think about it, 8th grade was the first year that I did Wind Ensemble and A Christmas Carol.
I guess that was the first time I realized that I could be "cool" and "popular" amongst my own group of friends.
I had never truly fit before in my life, and it felt good.

As fun as those times were, I can't for this year to be over. I feel stuck.
Right now, I KNOW exactly what my future looks like, but it'll be interesting to look back in a few years to see just how wrong I was.
I don't even see that as a bad thing.
If anything, it's frickin' exciting.

 

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